No matter what you refer to them as, “sniffers,” re-surfacers” or “ghosts” the situation is typically the same. You receive a text or email from a past romantic interest saying something to the effect of “Hey, what’s up?” or the particularly annoying “Long time no hear.” If you are on the single market in Boston, chances are this has happened once or twice. However, depending on the level of interest you had for this individual you may simply shrug it off, or you may experience that all-too-familiar flip flop of your stomach, wondering whether or not this person still has feelings for you.
It is essential you stay cool, from one message there is no way to tell what this person really wants: To absolve themselves of guilt for blowing you off in the past? To ask your opinion on their latest profile picture? To follow up on a possible networking connection you may have mentioned? To get the romance fired up once again – the options are pretty much endless at this point.
These online dating re-surfarcers are in a completely different category than any ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend when you had a real relationship. In most cases these individuals were only in your life for a very short period of time, but you decided not to pursue anything serious.
If you are in a situation where you are disappointed that the relationship never really got a chance, then it is quite easy to feel a little glimmer of hope that things may be different. While each situation will be different, there are certain ground rules that you should keep in mind:
If you still have some feelings:
Be sure you are friendly, but never gush, when responding to their message. Let the other person suggest a potential meet up. The most important thing you can do is keep all of your expectations to a minimum. You can always try and get a bit more information from them by simply stating that you were surprised to hear from them.
If you are completely ambivalent:
When the person that is texting you is someone you just did not feel any chemistry with in the past, there is hardly any chance that this time it will be different.
However, if you want to make sure that this is not the one that got away, consider meeting for coffee or drinks. If it is still not what you are looking for, put them down gently with an “I hope we can remain good friends.”
There is no question that the path to finding true love is not always straight. Feelings can be unclear and timing can be off. If you are interested in this “ghost” you may want to try and give this lost romance another shot; after all you will never know unless you try.
If you are a Boston Single, visit the LunchDates Professional Matchmaking website to learn how you can find that special someone.
